Sachin volunteered to drive me to Jack London Square. I feel blessed to have such a good friend, yet I feel even more guilty about the ride. Instead of going to bed at 3:30a.m, he stayed up to be my driver.Except for my parents, I never expected anyone to care for me this much. This coming from a friend makes me feel wholeheartedly happy.His reason, “I don’t want you to get killed.” That puts a smile on my face every time i think about it.

My take on good internship: Do a fantastic job on the most mind-dulling task you can think of, make friends and kiss-ass.

I still get these adrenaline rush when going into the studios. I’m more anxious than excited.I still feel intimidated when surrounded by people working in TVs. I dn’t want to mess up and make bad impressions. That mentality shows a lack of confidence. The end result? Exactly the opposite of what i set out to do. Today I almost walked into the camera, and be the so-called “that intern”. I am perfectly capable of handling those simply tasks and psychology really shouldn’t be getting in the way of my success.

As for ass-kissing, i need to step a notch on that. I am not good at flattering people or be someone I’m not, but i believe if you are sincere and diligent enough, people can feel it. We all put on poker faces when interacting with one another, but i really do believe sincerity and truthfulness transcends it all.

Last but not least: Action speaks louder than words. I must get better at what i do and not let myself nor Cal down.

•  get the KTUV internship.

Maybe my school schedule won’t allow for interning but at least give a try and if they like me, they might give me another shot in the future. Or I can go work for ABC across the bay. Internship shouldn’t be the priority right now.

• Ace the summer classes

Especially MESTD10.Probably already fucked up this semester, can’t afford to get anymore Bs.

• Get a paid job

God forbids me for having to spend another dime of my parents’$$ on cafes.At least earn the snack money on my own.

• if I don’t find 3 roommates or I have to leave

shouldn’t be the concern right now

我难过，难过课业上的小失落，更难过失落的时候只能自己安慰自己，抱枕头哭，闷死都不让别人听见我哭 哭完之后再安慰自己 说明天一定会更能好

要让susan ouyang 开心真的很简单，一个抱抱+好吃的！ 就好了

不用给我买名牌 也不用24小时陪着我 若有似无的给以点点的关心就好了

今天我把最近减下去的热量全都吃了回来 那么久的努力就为了这一天 真的值了

我吃了什么：一大碗豆芽菜蘑菇胡萝卜炒饭，blue cheese crackers加cream cheese（calories爆表！）可口可乐！所有的黑芝麻能量棒！

明天再减，用力跑，把泪水变成汗水 这样多有效率! 哭了，发泄了，还减肥了

Never felt so alone, so helpless and just so goddamn stupid in my life.I know it’s not all my fault but it just depresses me so much to see myself not being able to take that pressure and use it to do a good job on the group project. I really resented my group. Our lack of communication and dedication is ultimately what brought us down. and I’m made to feel like the culprit. I’m just so severely distressed right now I don’t even want to go see Jennifer. How can she do this to me? How can she C- me after seeing all the work I did, all the trouble I go through to pull this wreck together??This totally ruined my day.

I probably should go find someone and vent about this but i can’t. I’m good at self-consolation. I will bury my emotions and move on with life just fine. I’m not Alice, I don’t have someone whom I can run to when I have problems,I don’t need people to listen to my crap and pity me.

I will ace the finals and that should pull my grade up by couple notches.I have to make my parents proud. For all that they’ve invested in me, they deserve more. I have to pick my ass up and get straight As,not for myself but for them.

嘿。。。亲爱的

可知道我给你开了一扇门

你不来 却来了他

困他在门外 锁自己在门内

这就你给我的 我的初恋

你相信这就是我的初恋吗？ 还没（拥）有就没有了

但，忍受着同样的折磨的也有你吗？

伤了谁的心 湿了谁的眼

却仍然坚持等待

想有一天遇到我

一格大部分时间失落，不堪的我

尽管那样

你还相信命运吗?

还相信上帝是公平的吗？

还执意以为我们会遇到吗？

这世界对我们做了什么

我想。。。我要的你是谁  你要的我是谁 而我们又会变成谁

如果有一天我们遇见

轻轻的我要抱住你说

“你终于来了”

So what am I doing right now?There are multiple things going for me at the same time,If i don’t organize my thoughts, I will get lost really soon.

1.I need to ace my midterms. I MUST ACE them. I can’t afford to get B’s.

so far what’s my grade: some Bs, two As,one C.BAD.BAD.BAD

I’m actually experiencing less stress than I did before,maybe that’s why?I shouldn’t take this relaxing pace of life for granted. I don’t want Bs!!!!

2.I need to finish my EAP application

3.Find an internship

4.Find someone to sublease my room

5.get better at Monopoly Deal: It’s just one of those board games I have always sucked at and have never given a shit about,but now, it’s hurting my ego. I have to get better at it,or else I don’t belong here.Am I serious?!! How come I ‘m not good at card games, I find the procedures too complicated??Wait!if they all get it then how come I don’t? It’s not like I’m stupid or anything right? I just don’t like cardboard games,but if I force myself to learn it and win once or twice,I will like it more.

Why am I so competitive??It’s not like I’m good at it, but I’m really drawn to events where I will be challenged by another person.Ok,It’s not like I have to win anything I guess, but if i’m competent, that means I belong to at least somewhere, accepted by someone. That’s such a sad way of looking at life, but wow…that’s a really good argument I just presented. I should really look into Chen’s URAP programs.

Love life: What IS my feeling toward the certain someone living two doors down?

Jealousy? Admiration?

Apparently according to self-perception theory, you can only infer your attitude from your actions only when they are weak. In this case my attitude towards TW is certainly very weak. My actions: Awkward,tongue tight, stupid,ignorant….the very traits that I do not want him to notice. but I want his attention at the same time too!Why the fuck would I want his attention? I’ve only been receiving negative attentions from him. “Hum…I can’t really figure out what you are good at.” or “Just don’t speak”, or the stupid bed conversation” I like your bed!”(FUCK YOU SUSANOUYANG),”um..haha,would you like to sleep on it?”(asshole) “Ok!”(FUCKMYLIFE)…so here I shall quote the dude from the movie “How Do You Know”. He says ” Don’t you feel like sometimes you want to delete the words from your mouth even as you are saying it?!”

That was so fucking true. and it happens to me ALL THE TIME.why the FUCK am I so awkward.I’m trying to hard to get attention I guess. WAY too fucking hard. Sometimes that horoscope shit is actually pertty accurate. Fuck me for being both a Cancer and Leo at the same time then.

This is not the right time to feel lazy. I got into Berkeley and I have to make the most out of it. I don’t know why am i not reading history right now. Just a few days ago, I was still way ahead of my deadlines and now,I am falling behind.

 I keep on reminding myself that in order to stay here, i have to study extra hard.I was doing just that and now, it seem as if all of the sudden, some sort of negative cosmic energy has descended upon me and is determined to slow me down. I often wonder where my heart is, I don’t really seem to care for anything except grades…but I’m sure that’s not what my hearts desires otherwise i won’t feel so tiresome of pursuing it.

Instead of bullshitting my life away in this blog i should head back to work. I will be fine. I will get through the readings tonight.I must.

just had the worst fucking day ever yet I still had to pretend like it’s the best January 1st ever.

I put on a really cheerful and thankful status on fb

and this long,sweet farewell post on my other social network website.i hope my friends buy it.

2012 sucks,to be honest, i don’t mind if the Armageddon comes sooner

Let’s see if my 2012 is fucked from head to toe, now you certainly got the head fucked,that’s for sure.

i’m gonna be okay

few obstacles but i’m gonna be alright.Just have to make few calls and get my questions answered.

if i can make it to Berkeley,then i will survive,no,not only survive, but thrive

i have to get all As next semester,only if i do that, can i successfully declare Media Studies as my major

If i have good grades, i can also get a scholarship, so both my parents and I will be debt-free.

My future roommates seem nice but i need more friends.

Needs to find a roommate for my mom too,will post the ad tomorrow.

I have to make my parents proud, if not, not letting them down.

Berkeley is beautiful but i need to be more focused to somehow flow with everyone else. i was the only one on Calso to not remember Calnet ID&Pass phrase, that was one of the most embarrassing moment of my life.